Lucky 13: Women Writers about Character.

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”
- Charlotte Brontë (Jane Eyre)

“The sisters and brothers that you meet give you the materials which your character uses to build itself. It is said that some people are born great, others achieve it, some have it thrust upon them. In truth, the ways in which your character is built have to do with all three of those. Those around you, those you choose, and those who choose you.”
- Maya Angelou

“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.”
- Anne Frank

“What we call our destiny is truly our character and that character can be altered. The knowledge that we are responsible for our actions and attitudes does not need to be discouraging, because it also means that we are free to change this destiny.”
- Anaïs Nin

“I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman!”
- C. JoyBell C.

“Whatever you are physically...male or female, strong or weak, ill or healthy--all those things matter less than what your heart contains. If you have the soul of a warrior, you are a warrior. All those other things, they are the glass that contains the lamp, but you are the light inside.”
- Cassandra Clare (Clockwork Angel)

“But what man does out of despair, is not necessarily a key to his character. I have always thought that the real key is in that which he seeks for his enjoyment.”
- Ayn Rand

“When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious.”
- Edna O'Brien

“There is a curious thing that happens with the passage of time: a calcification of character.”
- Jodi Picoult (My Sister's Keeper)

“Her beauty satisfied [his] artistic eye, her peculiarities piqued his curiosity, her vivacity lightened his ennui, and her character interested him by the unconscious hints it gave of power, pride and passion. So entirely natural and unconventional was she that he soon found himself on a familiar footing, asking all manner of unusual questions, and receiving rather piquant replies.”
- Louisa May Alcott (A Long Fatal Love Chase)

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”
- Helen Keller

“Don't separate the mind from the body. Don't separate even character - you can't. Our unit of existence is a body, a physical, tangible, sensate entity with perceptions and reactions that express it and form it simultaneously."
- Susanna Kaysen

"character--the willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life--is the source from which self-respect springs.”
- Joan Didion

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Image: 'where did rachel "gun show" get her guns?' by sean dreilinger. Available under a creative commons license. © 2011, sean dreilinger.

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M is for MBTI.

MBTI - short for Myers-Briggs Type Indicator - is a psychology-based system that describes personality traits.

I've been using it for many years, in my job as well as my personal life, and it's proven so useful that it has become a part of my way of thinking about and dealing with the world.


MBTI

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is based on quite a complicated system, but it can be simplified for personal use or use in your writing, which is what I'll do here.

However, if you'd want to use the insights with other people, e.g. in a professional or therapeutic setting, I would advise you to study the system in more detail.

When I talk about the MBTI to my students, I compare it to the systems we use every day to describe what a person looks like on the outside:

'Hm, I can't think of her name right now, but you know who I mean: the tall woman with the short, blonde hair.'

For efficiency's sake, we focus on a limited set of observable characteristics, and describe them in the form of opposite pairs. E.g. short/tall, bald/long hair, pale skin/dark skin, etc. For each pair, some people will be on one end of the spectrum, and most people will be 'somewhere in between'.

Psychologist Carl Gustav Jung formulated similar 'opposite pairs' for personality. Later on, Katharine Cook Briggs and her daughter Isabel Briggs Myers developed this further into the MBTI system as it is now used, with 4 pairs of opposing characteristics.

Here, too, some people will show up on one end, with a more extreme preference, while most are 'somewhere in between', to varying degrees.


The Opposing Pairs

These are the 4 pairs of characteristics the MBTI takes into account:

• Extraversion (E) - Introversion (I)
• Sensation (S) - iNtuition (N)
• Thinking (T) - Feeling (F)
• Judging (J) - Perceiving (P)

Extraversion vs. Introversion

This pair of characteristics looks at where you direct your attention and where you draw your energy from.

Are you more focused on the people and the world around you (Extraversion), or on your inner world (Introversion)?

Do you get energy from interacting with people (E), or from being by yourself (I)?

Read more about Extraversion vs. Introversion.


Sensation vs. iNtuition

The second pair of characteristics looks at the kind of information you take in, and the information you naturally focus on.

Do you mainly notice information that is tangible, measurable, concrete and factual (Sensation) or do you focus on patterns, possibilities and 'the bigger picture' (iNtuition)?

Do you prefer to deal with the world as it exists (S) or are you constantly looking for ways to improve, to innovate and to 'boldly go where no one has gone before', at least when ideas are concerned (N)?

Are you a person who will most often ask questions beginning with: 'what', 'how', 'when', ... (S) or is your main question: 'Why?' (N)

(It is interesting to note here that the majority of people reside on the 'Sensation' side of the spectrum, so if you're undecided, statistically you're more likely to be on the S-side.)

Read more about Sensation vs. Intuition.


Thinking vs. Feeling

The third pair looks at what you base your decisions on.

As far as making decisions is concerned, do you place more value on logic, facts and objective truth (Thinking) or on people, values and personal or social concerns (Feeling)?

Do you consider truth more important than tact (T) or tact more important than truth (F)?

Do logical inconsistenties drive you crazy (T) or do you get nervous in situations where the harmony between people has been disturbed (F)?

Read more about Thinking vs. Feeling.


Judging vs. Perceiving

The fourth pair gives information about how you live your life towards the outside world, and how you structure your life and deal with your time.

Are you more comfortable after you have made a decision (Judging) or when all options are still open (Perceiving)?

Do you prefer to / are you more efficient when you plan your time and activities beforehand (J) or do you prefer to improvise and adapt your priorities according to the situation at hand (P)?

Do you like making / having to do-lists (J) or do those lists make you nervous (P)?

Read more about Judging vs. Perceiving.


The Letters

When you take MBTI-based tests, you usually end up with letters and scores. The letters are the ones I've used before: (I)ntroversion - (E)xtraversion, i(N)tuition - (S)ensation, (T)hinking - (F)eeling and (J)udging - (P)erceiving. If you get other letters, chances are you've taken a different test. ;-)

The Kisa test in the links below gives you scores for each end of the spectrum, so you get 8 scores in total, which helps to create a more complete picture.

I want to point out here that there are no 'bad' letters and no 'bad' scores. The diversity of our species is a strong factor in our success, especially when we learn to understand our differences and cooperate.

If you get low scores for certain letters, that's okay too. It usually means you don't have a strong preference for either of the characteristics - or you have a high preference for both. This, too, is useful in a team, family or community. These people can often take on different roles, depending on which skills are lacking and needed. They can also act as mediators between the more extreme team or family members to keep everyone focused and working together.


MBTI and writing

I use the MBTI in my writing in different ways:

• To build real and multi-layered characters.
  MBTI allows me to build 'real' characters efficiently. E.g. when I write down: "character X: INTP", it tells me so much more than those 4 characteristics; it summons a whole group of real, existing people in my mind, with real characteristics to pick and choose from.
• To keep my character files clear and concise.
  My character files contain names, basic practical data, and personality types. It's so much easier to type "INTP" than: "recluse; appears ice-cold to outsiders but has an incredibly rich inner world; hates being misunderstood and will do everything to establish clarity; has an extreme ability to focus; needs to be independent; distrusts emotions because they've proven to be unreliable in the past; if someone appears on their radar in a good way, they'll do almost whatever they can to make them happy; etc.". For me, the word "INTP" conjures that image, without extensive character worksheets or interviews. 
• To create tension and believable interaction.
  If I need a character to interact with another one in a certain way (antagonistic, soulmate, envy, distrust, practical misunderstandings, etc.), I'll pick a character with a particular personality type that tends to have that kind of interaction with the other character's type, and then I just stay true to the characters while I'm writing. Most of the time the desired interaction just happens.
• To avoid gender stereotyping.
  Personality types aren't gender-specific. There may be more women with a Feeling preference than men, but I don't want to fall in the trap of assuming this is the case for everybody. By setting the types for my characters, I can add more variation and keep their behaviour consistent.

I know it all sounds very mechanical, but through the years it's become an automatic and intuitive process.


Useful Links

• A number of my other posts on MBTI and related topics:
  http://thewomancondition.blogspot.com/search/label/MBTI
• One of the better online personality tests:
  http://kisa.ca/personality/
• The Wikipedia entry about MBTI:
  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mbti
• Website of the Myers & Briggs Foundation:
  http://www.myersbriggs.org/

Have you come across the MBTI before? Do you know your type? Have you used MBTI in your writing?


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Image: 'Diversity Cupcakes' by Clever Cupcakes. Available under a creative commons license. © 2008, Clever Cupcakes.

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I is for Introverts.

I am an extravert. Sometimes I show introverted behaviour, especially in loud and lively environments with lots of other people, but at heart, I am an extravert.

'Wrong letter and wrong post,' you may say, but bear with me.

My husband is an introvert, and so are several of my closest friends. Many years ago, I thought introverts were shy, reserved, absent-minded or aloof. Now I know better. They're just different. And fascinating.

I want to dedicate today's post to the wonderful introverts in my life (lives). I hope it will contribute to a better understanding and higher appreciation of introverts all over the world. In other words: to World Peace *beatific smile*.

The main thing we need to know - and accept - about introverts is that their attention is focused on what's happening inside their minds. While we extraverts are 'out there', interacting and observing everyone and everything around us, an introvert is doing something similar in his or her own inner world. And that inner world doesn't necessarily look or feel like the world outside.

Now, we extraverts do this as well - to a certain degree. We, too, have our inner worlds. But we attribute a different value to them. For an extravert, the outside world comes first. We often put other people's beliefs, interests and concerns before our own. Our thoughts and emotions are triggered by factors around us, and then we internalise them.
Sometimes we need to process what happened by being alone and digging in, but more often we'll process by talking to other people (or pets, or imaginary others).

Introverts process what happens in their lives by being on their own, undisturbed. They don't need to talk about something in order to deal with it. To the contrary. Often they can only communicate something after they've worked it through.


What we Should Know about Introverts:

• Introverts are not necessarily shy. In fact, I have the impression shyness occurs more often in extraverts, because they are more aware of the people around them, and place higher value on their opinions.
  Introverts don't prefer solitude because they're anxious about interaction with others, but because they don't feel a strong need to.
  (It's interesting to note here that many shy extraverts - and extraverts with non-mainstream beliefs - like to think they are introverts, because it gives them a less emotionally charged term to identify with. If you would like to interact with people, but you're anxious about it or don't really know how, you're probably an extravert.)
• Being around other people costs introverts a lot of energy, especially in larger groups and when they are forced to interact. They will do it for the people they care about, but be aware that it drains them, and they'll need to be alone afterwards to recharge.
• Introverts don't hate people. They are not anti-social. They just need to spend a sufficient amount of time on their own.
• Because introverts don't feel the urge to interact, when they do, they prefer to talk about ideas and feelings that matter, rather than small talk and social chit-chat
• You cannot turn an introvert into an extravert. (Besides: why would you want to? Our world needs diversity!)
  You can make them act in a more extraverted way, but it will still drain them and they'll need to be alone afterwards. You can change some of the behaviour, but not the person.

What Introverts should Know about Extraverts:

• When extraverts talk, they're not doing it to be loud, to dominate the conversation or because they believe what they think is more important than what everybody else thinks.
  Often they're just responding to an urge to get something off their chest. Once that's done, and when they notice they've been heard, they can listen to what others have to say.
  (So yes, introverts, giving feedback by means of facial expressions and 'uhuhs' is a good idea - we're not mind readers, and aren't you happy about that!)
• Extraverts structure their thoughts, make sense of emotions and form their opinions in interaction with the outside world. When they are confronted with issues or questions, they'll start talking about it. This is a way to bounce off ideas, gather feedback and see which responses resonate.
• Extraverts are not shallow. They might spend less of their mental time in their inner world, but that doesn't mean they think or feel less. They have a keen interest in the world and in other people, and are often aware of different layers and subtleties in social interaction that introverts would miss.
• Extraverts are energised by being around people, but not just anyone. Interaction with people they can't identify with or with whom they don't have much in common, can wear them out as well.
• Everything else you need to know about extraverts: don't worry, we'll tell you.

Interesting links.

• Caring for Your Introvert.
• Top Jobs for Introverts.

Are you an introvert? How do you deal with the people around you?

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Photo 'Alone he sings' by Luis Humberto Molinar Márquez. Available under a creative commons license. © 2009, Luis Humberto Molinar Márquez.

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10 Creative Contradictions.

I'm a big fan of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's books and research on creativity.
(In case you were wondering, he's of Hungarian origin and his last name is apparently pronounced cheek-sent-meh-hai-yee.)

If you're interested in creativity, psychology and/or personal development, I would highly recommend his 'Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention'.

One of the chapters in that book deals with 'The Creative Personality', where he explores the characteristics creative people from all walks of life have in common.

He comes to the conclusion that creative people have complex personalities. They contain contradictory extremes, and they are able to move from one to the other if the situation requires them to.

He distinguishes 10 pairs of traits he has discovered:

1. 'Creative individuals have a great deal of physical energy, but they are also often quiet and at rest.'

They can concentrate for a long time, work long hours, but manage to radiate enthusiasm because they are so focused. These periods of activity are followed by times of reflection and idleness. Alternating those two are very important to their success. They are able to control their energy and recharge their batteries when they can.

It's also interesting what he writes about sexuality, as one of the manifestations of energy. Creative people seem to be paradoxical in that respect as well:

'Without eros, it would be difficult to take life on with vigor; without restraint, the energy could easily dissipate.' (1996 : 59)

2. 'Creative individuals tend to be smart, yet also naive.'

They seem to be able to solve well-defined, rational problems (convergent thinking) as well as have the mental flexibility to come up with a lot of ideas (divergent thinking). They can follow one idea through, but also switch perspectives to come up wtih unconventional solutions.


3. 'Creative people are playful and disciplined, responsible and irresponsible.'

They have a certain light approach to life, but are also capable of sinking their teeth into a problem and persevering.

'Despite the carefree air that many creative people affect, most of them work late into the night and persist when less driven individuals would not.' (1996 : 62)

4. 'Creative individuals alternate between imagination and fantasy at one end, and a rooted sense of reality at the other.'

They are able to escape reality by imagination and come up with original ideas, but those ideas are still rooted in reality. By going beyond what is real and true now, they create a new reality for the future.


5. Creative people seem to be both extraverted and introverted at the same time.

Personality is a highly debated topic in psychology, but extraversion and introversion are considered the most measurable and stable traits that differentiate people. Creative individuals seem to be both sociable and solitary.


6. Creative people are humble ànd proud.

You would expect many of them to be arrogant or sniffy, yet when you meet them, they are self-deprecating and even shy. They have a sense of perspective about their own work, knowing they themselves stand 'on the shoulders of giants'.

At the same time they are aware of what they have accomplished, which gives them a certain confidence and pride.


7. Creative individuals, to a certain extent, escape rigid gender role stereotyping.

The women artists and scientists in his research tended to be more assertive, self-confident and openly aggressive than women are generally brought up to be. The men generally showed a greater preoccupation with their family and a higher sensitivity to subtleties in their environment. Still, they retained the 'usual gender-specific traits' as well.

Csikszentmihalyi calls this a kind of 'psychological androgyny', referring to 'a person's ability to be at the same time aggressive and nurturant, sensitive and rigid, dominant and submissive, regardless of gender.'

'A psychologically androgynous person in effect doubles his or her repertoire of responses and can interact with the world in terms of a much richer and varied spectrum of opportunities.' (1996 : 71)

8. Creative people are rebellious as well as traditionalist.

It is impossible to be creative without having learnt and acquired a domain of culture. In order to learn its rules, they have to see the importance of that domain. But being only traditional doesn't motivate to change that culture, while being only rebellious without regard for what has been valued in the past, rarely needs to new ideas that become accepted as an improvement.

Creative individuals are grounded in tradition, but willing to break with its safety in order to realise interesting ideas.


9. 'Most creative people are very passionate about their work, yet they can be extremely objective about it as well.

Without the passion, they would lose interest in the difficult tasks they have to take on. Without the objectivity, they wouldn't be able to take criticism and improve on their work.


10. Creative individuals' openness and sensitivity 'often exposes them to suffering and pain yet also a great deal of enjoyment'.

The sensitivity that drives the quest for novelty can cause a lot of anxiety. Being at the forefront of a discipline exposes a person to criticism and misunderstanding.

'Most would agree with Rabinow's words: "Inventors have a low threshold of pain. Things bother them." A badly designed machine causes pain to an inventive engineer, just as the creative writer is hurt when reading bad prose.' (1996 : 73)

At the same time, they thoroughly enjoy the process of creation, the fun and the excitement.

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Which of these creative contradictions do you recognise in yourself?

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The Power of Procrastination.

It struck me the other day how often I see or hear people complain about their tendency to procrastinate.
Do Facebook statuses like 'must...get...to...work' or 'aaarrrgggh, hunted by deadlines... again!' sound familiar to you too?

I used to think I was a procrastinator. I hated how I always had to rush school or other projects because I didn't start until the deadline was breathing in my face. It's not that I was lazy, I was just really busy chasing other interests that seemed more urgent or more important than what I was supposed to be doing.

Still, I haven't missed many deadlines in my life. I'll gladly admit to the all-nighters, improbable stunts and miraculous bursts of energy it took me to get there, but I (nearly always) managed to deliver on time. Sometimes I was on my last edit a minute before presenting, on other occasions I was still swapping slides around while already smiling at the audience, but I made it.

I even notice that, the older I become, the better I seem to be getting at pinpointing that crucial moment: the last possible minute you have to start on something in order to finish on time. In recent years it's even happened that I've completed a task before its deadline. Several times!

For years I thought I was just really bad at planning and organising my time. Until I discovered the MBTI.
(I"m not going to go into the specifics here, but if you want to know more you can find an introduction here and do a personality test here or here.)
Getting deeper into the MBTI helped me to understand that I am by no means a bad planner, or hopeless at making decisions.

Instead I learnt that I have a natural preference to consider all possible options before deciding what I want to do and how I'm going to do it. And just like any other personality trait, this has advantages and disadvantages, depending on the situation at hand.

Unless there is something really urgent and important going on, my priorities will be variable. If there is no clear "best option" I'll try to avoid final decisions and continue taking in information, letting it simmer and crystallise. This is not a skillset that will ever make me a brilliant planner, but it does make me a great improviser - or crisis manager. And when I do make a decision, it has a million different small and bigger elements factored in, often leading to a better decision in the end.

Our world needs diversity of skills. We seem to be a species that specialises and then cooperates to get a better result. Our social units need people who can make decisions quickly, ànd others who consider the 'what ifs'. It's when we learn to value each other's strengths and understand which skillset to apply to which situation, that our tribes can thrive.

Therefore, next time you notice you're procrastinating: don't fret about it. Instead, ask yourself why you're postponing action or decision. There's always a reason. Maybe what seems urgent or important in one part of your life isn't all that pressing in the grand scheme. Maybe you can't decide to change jobs because you haven't got a clear view of your true talents or how you want to use them. Or you're putting off writing your next chapter or article because you're subconsciously aware that your current idea has holes the size of Jupiter that need to be sorted out first.

There will be times where you have no choice but to kick yourself into gear. But even then, if you can spare a minute to think what is holding you back and what still needs to be fixed, you'll likely end up with a better view on the situation and ultimately with a better result.

Procrastination is not a flaw. It might occasionally get you into trouble in this fast-result-driven world we live in, but really, it is your secret superpower.

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So Your Partner's a Rational Creature ... - Part Three.

Continued from: Rational creature - part 1 and Rational creature - part 2.

Fundamental difference #2:

Rational people process (nearly) everything in their head first.

On top of that, the rational part of our brain is significantly slower to respond than our emotions.

This means that, when confronted with new information or an unfamiliar situation, a rational creature will usually do nothing. At least, that's what it will look like, while their brain is working like crazy. On the inside, they're looking for similarities to known situations, considering different responses, looking for the appropriate way to react, etc. On the outside, we see ... nothing.

Of slippery slopes and minefields:

Feelers often misinterpret that lack of immediate response as not caring. We tend to consider Thinkers cold fish, and this can cause quite a few conflicts, especially in romantic relationships.
(For more info on the Jungian or MBTI terminology 'thinkers' and 'feelers', have a look here.)

The rationale behind this suspended reaction is that, by a certain age, thinkers have already learnt that their first response to a situation, especially one that is emotionally charged, is a bad idea.

When dealing with feelings, logic's usually not the way to go. For someone who bases their decisions on logic and observable data, emotional situations are minefields. They don't have enough information to go by. They have no idea how to respond, because the observable data are limited to: 'she's acting strange,' or 'he seems upset.'

Back to Angela and Bob:

Angela and Bob are talking about an article she's been reading, about how microwaving your food is bad for you.
Bob, being his rational self, points out - quite sharply - that microwaves don't do anything but make water molecules in food vibrate rapidly, thus creating friction and therefore heat, and in that sense microwaving isn't all that different from other forms of cooking.

Angela, unable to detect a caring tone in his voice - probably because there wasn't one - feels like he's calling her stupid. He discards what she said based solely on factual arguments that she can't counter with facts of her own. This feels very unfair and disrespectful of who she is as a person. (For a Feeler, nearly everything is about people because that's what we're focusing on.) As a result, Angela gets angry and, because she doesn't want to start a fight, she shuts up.

Bob notices her change in behaviour, but has no idea what happened. After all: he was just correcting an incorrect assumption. It wasn't personal. He asks Angela if something's wrong, but she denies.
Shortly after, Bob goes to watch TV, only to notice that there's significantly more rattling and smashing of pots and pans than usual.

(Again, pardon the gender stereotyping, I'm going for maximum recognisability here. Please adapt names, characters and situations at will.)

Bob now has every reason to suspect something's wrong, but he sees no way of finding out what. Until he gets more information, he does nothing, hoping it will pass.

In the meantime, Angela is still angry and winding herself up to boiling point. Bob can be such an uncaring arsehole sometimes. She bottles those emotions up on top of everything else, and we've got great potential for future self-combustion.

In the meantime it should be quite clear what the basis for this conflict is, and that there's no point in trying to blame either one of them. Each person reacts in their own way, and the conflict doesn't come from either one of the individuals, it comes from the mutual misunderstanding of the other person's social language.
In so many people's everyday lives, a lot of energy is wasted in situations like this one, energy that we could spend on something that's actually fun!

Now, let's look at what we can do to avoid this in our own lives:


For the Emotional Creature:

- Be aware that lack of feedback or response doesn't equal that your partner doesn't care.

- Your partner is not a mind reader. Try and express yourself as clearly as you can, especially when strong emotions hit you.

- When a particular feeling comes up, it's usually triggered by something. Every feeling is a valid response, you're not being silly (most of the time, anyway). It means there's an issue that needs to be dealt with.

- Don't waste mental energy blaming the people around you for not understanding. You are not a victim. Once you've calmed down, as you always will, analyse what has happened and talk about it.


For the Rational Creature:

- Be aware that a feeling is often difficult to analyse, especially for the person who's experiencing it (and while they're still feeling it.) It's an automatic response coming from an old part of our brain, pointing out that something's not right.

- Know that, when you notice in the feelers around you that something's off, you're probably right. However tempting it might seem to ignoring the situation, in the long run that's not a good idea, as it will keep coming back. The longer you wait, the bigger the fallout - and the damage.

- We all function in a social context. Roughly 50% of people are Feelers. That means you can't avoid them no matter how hard you try. And believe it or not, it would seriously reduce the quality of your life if you could.

- However unjustified or unintelligible you think emotions are, don't belittle them or treat them as unimportant.  While the feeling is 'active', it's very real and extremely important to that person.

- It's important to be there to listen, consider and offer comfort. If you don't know what to say, that's okay. You don't have to say anything, just be there.

- Even if your partner repeatedly tells you they're fine, if you have sufficient clues that that's not true, don't believe them. Feelers tend to put up a brave face. Don't pressure the matter either, just let them know you're there, and plan a joint activity for the (very!) near future. Chances are by then the feeling will have gone through its first processing rounds, and your partner might be ready to talk about it.

- Make use of Feeler friends and relatives. They can often help you to translate. Be careful with delicate topics, though, your partner might not like other people to know the specifics!


To keep in mind:

Once the strong emotional response has cooled down, conversation is possible again. It's important to find out what triggered the problem. Usually it's some form of misunderstanding related to how a message was communicated.
Thinkers have a way of giving factual information in a very cool way, deprived of emotion. Because to them it's about the facts.
Feelers read a lack of emotion as coldness, and tend to associate it with disrespect, disdain, disagreement, etc. Mainly because when they try to keep emotion out of what they say, it usually means they don't agree or don't approve and try to spare the other person's feelings.

We're really not that different on the inside, but we do speak a different social language. In order to understand each other, we need to learn to translate.

[Might be continued in the future.]

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Image: 'Close Up of The Thinker' by Todd Martin, available under a creative commons license. © 2005, Todd Martin.

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